Gazing at an empty mirror

Sahar Mousa is a Palestinian poet and writer. She published on Facebook during the wars in Gaza in 2008 and 2012, a series of articles that received attention. The articles led to death threats from local ISIS groups and threats and sexual pressure via social media. She was told to stop writing and to return to Islam or they would ruin her reputation. She was forced to flee and today lives in Stockholm as a guest writer. “Gazing at an empty mirror” is a newly written poem by her.

November 29 2018 Text: Sahar Mousa Translation from Arabic: Ghias Aljundi

Good evening you mutant creature,
I did not tell you about despair,
Lending your neck to the idea hanging from the roof of your head like a gallows!

In the evening
The vacuum swallows me,
Nothing happens other than the clock,
Time is a vague idea,
Curiosity is a blue poison.

Nothing is waiting for me and I am not waiting for anyone.

Have you ever tried to enter a set of mirrors
And see your scream, an image is repeated infinitely,
Before it suddenly falls silent.

“Today, while I was looking in the mirror, your crows flew inside my body”
I could not count them,
Swallowed by the emptiness before I count,
In fact, there is nothing anymore except vacuum,
And craws which flew a moment ago.

Nakedness,
Is a bleak idea,
It reminds me of potential death in a masochistic whim,
Or suffocation during the practice of “masturbation”

But you are different my friend,
You lost your tongue
And there is no problem in talking to you or getting naked in front of you

I know it's not strange to you that I'm talking about death again,

My body will be a bad meal for the soil,
I don’t give attention to its ever open mouth:
I will mock him:

“This is a flavour of the canned desire,
Which has just expired”

But just thinking about it makes me excited:

“Mr. death, you are only a mutant with small wings,

Playing the saxophone,

His little hands are skilled at the foreplay

Let's try together to create a flavour for the desire,
A desire open to the void”

(dwarf licks my ear,
Whispering to me with dirty words,
Lights my cigarettes,
And I rub my body from the bottom)

And again it will end without reaching orgasm,
You turn your confused face away from me,
And I draw a sarcastic smile and watch your tiny body fade in the mirror